Random Pudgie Thoughts of Goodness

A letter to BioWare about Mass Effect 3's ending

Hey,

So I saw that BioWare was accepting feedback about Mass Effect's ending through Twitter. I'm not sure how serious this was on their part, but I felt the need to get some of the building unrest in my mind concerning the end of this saga out of my head. I sent this over to them using TwitLonger, and then I figured I'd post it here as well to preserve it. Here are my feelings on the matter in more than 140 characters...

Dear BioWare Twitter Person

I want to preface this by saying that Mass Effect 2 and 3 have some of the best story beats I’ve ever seen in a video game. There were moments in my story that were real, and few other games step up to that plate. It is a real accomplishment that this game even works, and the fact that it is also a AAA title is a testament to BioWare’s accomplishments.

I consider the story of Shepard, no matter how you play through the games, to be one of perseverance. Shepard moves steadfast towards his goal of defeating the Reapers, no matter how many of his crew mates are cut down, and how many innocents die in the process. Even a fully paragon Shepard never feels like a knight in shining armor, he’s truly a commander, moving pieces on a chessboard and attempting to get the universe out alive. He solves centuries-old problems with his charisma and/or brutishness, basically doing with ease what a US President has been trying to do in the Middle East for decades.

With all this in mind, why is Shepard so easily persuaded to follow along with the plan of a supposed AI who controls the Reapers. How does he know that what he is seeing isn’t a trap? Why doesn’t he at least attempt to talk to the AI, to convince it of the progress he has made with EDI, or between the Geths and the Quarians should he have previously taken the route where they both survive? Why doesn’t the AI bring up past events, like what Shepard did with the Collector Base? 

Even if you feel that these endings are the right ones, why not trick the player as well as Shepard? Why not have the AI pose as Anderson and order Shepard to choose a path, only revealing himself to the player in the final moments of the ending? At least that would have some punch, and would preserve the current emotions of the ending, whatever they are. As it is now, you have it set up so that Luke accepts the dark side at the end of ROTJ and kills all his friends on the Endor moon. It is an ending sure, but it doesn’t match with the rest of the story that you have painstakingly told.

That is just one suggestion, and I encourage you to go to http://www.gamefront.com/mass-effect-3-ending-hatred-5-reasons-the-fans-are-right/ for many other valid points and critiques of the ending as it is now.

I personally have no idea what you were going for with the ending, and the vast confusion and desperation of fans to make their own endings confirms that I am not alone in this. I’m sure you guys are hard at work on a “Broken Steel” to fix the ending so it makes more sense, or some other form of DLC that will allow people to dive back into the Mass Effect universe. But with the ending as it is now, you have extinguished any desire for me to revisit the tale of Shepard. As far as I’m concerned, my story ended with Anderson and Shepard looking out on Earth, Shepard uttering “best seats in the house”. The Citadel super-weapon worked, the Reapers are destroyed, and everyone is happy. 

Honestly, I feel like that ending does a disservice to the unique story that was told in the rest of the games, but I cannot accept the starchild nonsense that you have introduced as the canon ending, and I don’t care to see anything else that you have to offer. 

I truly wish that you take the most devout fan’s concerns to heart and let them see their Shepard to an ending that they all deserve. Don’t charge for it though. If you thought this was bad, just wait till the ending is pay DLC. Mass Effect will lose it’s fandom faster than you can say Guitar Hero.

A dissatisfied fan

Alexander Santa Maria

So I started a podcast... (Plus Other Things!)

VGPUSF Episode 1: Hate Mail by Alexander Santa Maria

The Podcast features the staff of the video game club I run on campus at USF. That part should probably be clear by the title. It's all about video games, and I wrote a better description of it on Soundcloud, so be sure to check it out.

Coincidently, this is another thing I've wanted to do for a while, but I've been waiting until the time was right. And it finally was this past Sunday. Look forward to new episodes regularly for the forseeable future at least, I'm sure we'll work out the kinks after a few tries.

At least that will give me some things to publish on the web. I've been busy writing bullshit for my creative writing classes for a long time now, and that feeling of spinning my wheels in college is getting more prominent in my head as the months go by.

Still, I have a few fun things planned internet wise, including my continuing series of essays on gaming topics big and small. I think I might start posting those here as well as over on GenGame.com, just in case. It's always good to have a backup.

Anyway, I know you're busy with the porn and piracy, so I'll let you get back to it. Nice of you to drop by!

-Pudge

Over The Top+Robots=Real Steel: A Movie Review

Real Steel is dumb. It is aggressively dumb, and anyone who has seen even a shred of the marketing knows it's dumb. So the typical audience member for this movie knows what they are in for, and should hope that the film is dumb in a fun way, and for the most part it is. However, there is a lot of gummy cliches and nutty relationships to get through if you want the chewy robot center.

I really wanted to like this movie, and I wanted to turn my brain off. I really did. But Real Steel just kept throwing things at me that made me stop in my tracks. Why it bothered to define it's timeline is beyond me, having the movie set in 2020 does nothing but make me wonder why there is a farmhouse with a gas pump attached in the middle of nowhere, why there is an arena in New York City called the "Bing Arena", why Eminem music is being played, why the small boy talks and dances like he is from the mid 90s. Of course, once you pretend that the movie is taking place in a modern setting, there is a shot of wind turbines or a futuristic phone to remind you that it's the future, and you put your face into your palm. There are a few inconsistencies is what I'm saying.

Speaking of that small boy, he is Jake Lloyd from Star Wars. Not even the same actor, I'm talking about the small child being picked up in a time machine after filming Phantom Menace and being brought in to do this movie. Every line of dialogue has that same weird tone to it, every smirk has that obnoxiousness, I just kept imagining Internet reviewers or Rifftrax going "I'M ACTING!" whenever he talked. It is uncanny.

As for the other human actors in the piece, there are some shining moments, mostly the side characters. They are cliched as hell much like everything else in the film, but they are the fun kind of cliches I wanted more of. But instead of more time with "Fun Jive Talking Black Guy" and "Texas Businessman", we spent most of our time building up the relationship between Hugh Jackman and Jake Lloyd-Clone, and the one between Hugh Jackman and his sorta-kinda-it's a kid's movie so they only kiss love interest. These scenes add nothing to the movie after about a half hour.

As mentioned in the title, most of the father-son relationship stuff was ripped straight out of Over The Top, only instead of being in the midst of the ridiclous truck workouts and arm wrestling, most of the relationship scenes are played straight and separate from the robot fighting. It all makes me wish the film spent more time in the backstage areas of the robot arenas and less time in other buildings. I wouldn't have minded the character development so much if it was taking place in a location more interesting than "Boxing Gym" and "Rooftop Garden".

When the movie does focus on the robot fights, it truly fires on all cylinders. I will admit I gleefully clapped when Atom (the main fighting robot) was introduced as hailing from "Parts Unknown", and the in fight commentary and entrance music really sold the boxing scenes. Overall, you really don't need anything else, as you've seen every non-robot scene in this movie done better in countless other features. I would recommend watching the fight scenes on YouTube or renting the DVD and making it a great 30 min short film instead of a very middling full length feature.

-Pudge

That Pink Mist

Hey,

Seems like this always ends up happening, but another summer has come and gone. This one has been busier then most, as I finally got another job. I professionally watch TV at The Nielsen Company, which is a good gig when I'm not watching Dr. Phil or ABC News (serriously, I can't believe how bad it is. No wonder The Daily Show gets all the ratings.) Anyway, with all the goings on of working, catching up on games, and watching Netflix (just started Mad Men, good stuff) I neglected my writing per usual. So I decided to dig up something I meant to post a while back and put it up. Wrote it for a poetry class, the first thing I wrote for it actually. Probably ended up being the best thing I wrote as well. Please enjoy it, especially all you old and grizzled patrons out there, and (to borrow a phrase) Watch This Space in the future, as the college semester usually jostles some brain cells and gets me creative again. Maybe some of that will end up here.

That Pink Mist/Duty Calls

Four couches lined together in front of impossibly old televisions
Teenagers staring onward as if they were hypnotized
A concession stand with a strange combination of action figures and edible goods
Posters of Ninja Turtles and Bruce Lee plastered on every wall
The room smelled like the 80s

Leather chairs in front of huge HDTVs

Gamers with headphones screaming commands at their friends

A concession stand with overpriced candy bars and soda

Clean walls with neon lighting

The room smelled like an air freshener

The man behind the counter inquired to my origins
I said I had phoned earlier, my voice quaking like a poor man on a job interview
We shared a laugh at my mother’s conversational skills
He gave me a controller and called for the games to begin
I sat down and grinned, I had never done this before

The man behind the counter blurted out his welcome speech

I had filled out paperwork earlier, he handed me a badge

I pinned it to my lanyard as he turned back to his magazine

I sat down to play a game

As I had done so many times before

At once, the room was filled with the sounds of pop beats and female singers
Another instant, and on the screens the timers counted down
With every second, my inner child was gasping his last breath
With every moment, my thoughts and feelings barrelled towards their death
When it hit zero, I was in heaven

The room was filled with AutoTune and record scratches

I plugged in and the game began

Every second my numb senses try to react

Every moment, my mind empty but for a map layout

When the game ended, I ached for more

Before I was Blank, drifting in a sea of stares, never looking back
I was alone among my peers, so desperate for affection I spurned it
No one before had ever taught me the value of ignorance
And somewhere, in between the bullets and explosions,
I learned how to function

During the game, I was Blank, earning my recognition

My peers and I were on top, beloved by fans and sponsors alike

Ignorant to all who oppose me

And when there aren’t bullets and explosions

I can’t function

All Because of that Pink Mist

Duty Calls

-Pudge

Pudge Quickie: Empty DVD Case

-Pudge

Haloball

FCW Thoughts from 3-16-2011

Hey,

I've mentioned a few times on here my fandom of professional wreslting, and more specifically my attending of FCW, the farm territory for WWE. Something that has been great in the last couple of years has been FCW having shows just 15 min away from my ancestral home in Punta Gorda. It's the best building they wrestle in, so they always have a good who when they come down. Let me put on my Wrestling Fan hat and matching belt and comment a bit on what I saw. If you have no wrestling knowledge, you might as well just skip it, you will not understand half the words i use or anything I'm talking about. Perhpas scroll down and see what else I've written? Or Porn since you're on the internet? But I digress...

• The opening contest was Big E. Langston vs some big bald heel guy I don't know. Big E. is a massive Batista type guy, but he also looks like Ezekial Jackson so I don't know how good his prospects are for actually getting on TV. The match was serviceable as a curtain jerker. The only noticeable thing from the match was that people were still getting warmed up as the Heel guy strapped on his first submission hold, and he yelled out something to the effect of "These people don't like you, they hate you." Or something like that. It seemed like something they were trained to do, as a couple other guys did it that night, and it's a real obvious way to get the audience behind one guy. Too obvious, it just takes you out of the match. Big E. eventually squashed the guy.
• Second, we had Smackdown Jobber Trent Baretta vs Brad Maddox. Not a guy I've ever noticed before, especially since they change their names every other week so it's hard to follow a guy unless you really pay attention. Maddox however I will remember, as he had a GREAT gimmick going for him. Trent was already in the ring, Maddox's music hit, and he comes to the ring with two fat dudes holding a portable camcorder and a boom mic. He grabs a portable mic and explains to the audience that we're going to be on national TV because he's filming an episode of "The Brad Maddox Show". Seemed kind of a rip on the whole Matt Hardy mess. Now obviously, not a real thing, but it really sells that Maddox is delusional. Durring the match proper, he kept getting caught up in the ropes, turning to the camera, and explaining to his "audience" what the simple basic maneuver he just did was while the ref kept Trent away because he was in the ropes. Then, for the finish, Maddox was laid out, Trent was about to go for a top rope splash, and the boom mic guy sweeps the leg with the mic, allowing Maddox to pick the scraps and get the victory. I really think WWE could drop this guy onto Smackdown right now with this gimmick and he could go for the IC title, it really works, and the guy was just the right kind of obnoxious to pull it off. Plus, with social media nowadays, you could have him set up a Youtube account and upload footage from his camera onto Youtube, further selling the gimmick to wrestling's huge internet fanbase.
• There was the traditional 8 man FCW "We want to get as many guys on the show as possible" tag match. Nothing really special, other then I got to see former ROH champion Tyler "Seth Rollins" Black and Richie Steamboat do their things and pick up the victory.
• Next, we got what was billed as a "Battle of the FCW Monsters". First out, along with Ricardo Rodriguez (markout moment when I heard that music in person) was Brodius Clay. His opponent was Axel Mulligan, who was obviously the recently booted back to FCW Husky Harris, just under a blue sortof Jason mask. It looked better then I made it sound, and I like that he's using his father's wrestling name Mulligan in the new gimmick. He also showed some of the stuff that made him unique that he hasn't really showed on Raw, like the way he moved around the ring like a four legged animal rather then a man, and the sholder tackles and general fluid motion. One thing I loved was when he got out of the ring, instead of just stepping out, he went limp and fell to the mat before rolling out. It really sold his masked maniac persona. On Raw he just seemed like a fat guy doing splashes, here he looked great. It's obvious he's been working out in the time since he got off of RAW, his brother as well, they're really getting their shit together.
• Brodius Clay didn't want to wrestle Axel, so he told Ricardo to do it, and he luckily had a one piece wrestling suit on under his tux, so he had a good comedy match. Axel of course won, and Brodius continued to show that he's good at looking mean outside the ring. 
• There was a FCW Title match between FCW Champion Lucky Cannon and NXT Season 4 winner Derrick Bateman. First a bit about Derrick, I have NO IDEA what WWE sees in him considering he won NXT over Brodius Clay. Not that Clay is some sort of wunderkind or anything, but Derrick is as generic as hell and the crowd, even the 100 or so in Port Charlotte, could not give a shit about him. Lucky Cannon, after trying and failing at a fan favorite gimmick way back in NXT Season 2, has adopted a heel egotist gimmick. It's been done sure, but it did work from what I saw. Before the match he said how lucky the women were in attendance for getting to see him tonight, and how one lucky woman was going to get to kiss him on the cheek. The woman wasn't really into it, which almost killed the bit until Derrick grabbed a water bottle and threw it at Lucky's head, which I have to admit was smart thinking. After the match, the women did give him a good slap, so she got with the program eventually. Since this is just a house show, Lucky got "lucky" (Built in chant right there) and kept his title.
• The main event of the evening was the Dibiases (Ted and Brett w/ Ted Sr. at ringside) vs the New Colons (Primo and Tito). Ted cut a great promo about how he was disgusted at having to sign and take pictures with everyone in the crowd, which really riled up a few drunkards in the crowd. They precided to get a "Silver Spoon" chant going throughout the arena, and Ted and Brett really got into their faces all throughout their match. Primo and Tito came out after the promo and were almost an afterthought throughout the match. It was ok, but it's obvious neither Colon is going to Raw anytime soon (Which is sad since Primo is technically still on Raw). They strangly sold Brett as sort of a dumbass throughout the match, falling for easy things like "hey, look over there". Serriously, Primo pointed up, Brett looked, and Primo hit a DDT, it was that dumb. Don't know what they're going for there. Ted got the win over Tito (I think, it's really hard to tell the Colons apart they have the same hairstyle) and then both Dibiases went for the Million Dollar Dream, but both Colons got out of it and hit dropkicks pretty much in sync, which was a cool finish.
• That's pretty much it. There was also a Divas match and a match with Conner O' Brian (the rat guy from NXT Season 4) but neither were really that noteworthy. The only other thing that happened was the FCW president came out before one match and brought out a chair to giveaway, only to give it to someont that had helped them at a previous show? Seemed kind of weird and unnecessary, it had nothing to do with the show.

It was a fun night, as it always is. I'm kind of sad about going to FCW shows after going for a while and seeing so many good gimmicks and talents (Kizarney, Alex Riley, Kaval, Abe Washington) go to waste on national TV, but without being a wrestling nerd I was entertained.

-Till next time, so long from the Sunshine State

Pudge

Pudge Quickie: Freezer Blob

(download)

Click here to download:

pudge-quickie-freezer-blob-HisIycFAldthsEdkyGkB.zip (460 KB)

Hey,

So I'm going into the freezer to get my 5PM Eggo Waffle (There is no bad time to eat Eggo Waffles) when I see this wonderful thing I have pictured for you. What is that? Why would someone do that and not clean it up instantly? It smells a little like wine, and there is also a little wine stain in the counter,so maybe my roomate got drunk last night? I have no idea, I just know it's quite unwelcome and disgusting. Also that as soon as I saw it my first thought other then I'm not cleaning THAT up was that I have to post this on the Internet. So enjoy Internet. Enjoy.

-Pudge

USF Bull Puns

Hey,

Well, they've finally done it. I just can't take it anymore. They bury me in stupidity every day and I have to fight back. I talk of course about Bull Puns. I currently attend college at the University of South Florida, and their sports team mascot is a Bull. I know this because EVERY SCHOOL FUNCTION'S NAME has to do with bulls. It's maddening how stupid and uncreative it is, and I've decided to submit silent protest in the form of a new Tumblr blog started not 10 minutes ago. Please visit and tell any friends going to USF about my effort, I'll gladly accept any other example of Bull Punnery.

http://usfbullpuns.tumblr.com/

Hope this post was Accept-a-bull

-Pudge

Magazine Match